welcome to more me

comment below which other social platform i should absolutely dominate

Hello :)

Honored to join a long line of disgraced journalists, tech entrepeneoliberals, and alt right thinkers when i say: welcome to my substack.

Here’s how we got here…

After spending several hours doomscrolling on tiktok, oscillating between P. Diddy videos that remind me that it’s epstein’s world and we’re just (barely) livin’ in it, to NPC influencers baby-birding contour tricks down my throat, i decided that what i really need is another social platform to rob me of my dwindling attention span (it took me 2 hours, 3 coffees, and 8 alternating tasks to write this paragraph).

In all seriousness (yes this is very serious), I used to have a monthly newsletter called “This Sucks” that I started in the pandemic and made me very happy. It felt untouched by the homogenizing filter of miss algorithm, through which all my ideas were gargled and spat on your timelines with jarring hooks and animated captions. Long form writing gives my voice somewhat of a fighting chance of being understood, or at least more contextualized than me sharing a meme on my story and you wondering if I’m sharing it in support of the idea, or to make fun of the idea (i’ll never tell).

‘Ah, the pitfalls of satire :)

I’m pivoting to substack because that’s where all the hot people are and because my mailchimp was charging me $50 a month for 4 years without me knowing it. I won’t do the math but that’s around the price of a down payment for Mohammad Hadid’s mansion in Beverly Hills. It’s kinda like when millennials learned that buying avocado toast started the financial crash and killed our grandparents.

For now, I’ll be posting my upcoming shows and hopefully weekly thoughts. If you’re in NYC you can start by coming to my two NY Comedy Festival shows in November:

• Sat Nov 9th - Late Night Variety Show with my funniest friends at Union Hall

• Tues Nov 12th - Headlining Chelsea Music Hall with my touring hour of standup comedy

I’ll probably do a paid model at some point, where I’ll really share my innermost thoughts and ideas for global domination (hint: print. more. money.)

The reason I haven’t done this sooner is simply because my ADHD has me in a gripping chokehold and I can’t for the love of GOD remember our safe word. I was able to write this today is because I’m at my mom’s house and the only excuse I have to not hang out with my family, is looking like I’m firing away at something really important on my computer.

Thank you and goodbye x