Wellness Trends + Detroit shows this weekend!

I'm performing in Detroit 2/21-2/22!

Hi friends,

I’ve been getting really into hydration packets lately. As a touring comedian I’m always on planes, which somehow have dryer air than land air, I think. It always confuses me how something can offer more or less hydration than water, especially when that something is powder I got on Amazon. I think electrolytes are a scam unlike bay leaves and bitcoin, both of which I am investing in anyway.

I can’t decide where I stand on wellness trends. I’ll obviously spend as much money as possible for the off chance that one bottle of snail cum will make me look 15 forever. I’m cautiously optimistic. Or hopefully skeptical. I guess in a way it’s like being Catholic: I’ll only do anal until marriage just in case God’s real. I want to go to heaven! Or at least have dewey skin when I plead my case to Satan at Hell’s gates.

All this to say, if you know of any products, goops, diets or surgeries I should be getting into, send them directly to me. I’m lonely on the road, and dry, and my hydration packets are only promising to solve one of those ailments.

Anyways…I’m in DETROIT, MICHIGAN this weekend at The Comedy Bar @ Norwood. Send to Eminem as well as everyone you know in Detroit, which I just found out is a city and not a state :)

See you therrreeeee!!!!